again.

again
it's happening again
whatever i do
whatever i feel
it's worthless

i'm tired. i'm done. i'm out of it. that's what i mumbling about. but that's not what whispered by my heart.

i'm just looking for something that maybe i lack of it. something that people said it makes your life brighter. something that the motivator said, one of five most expensive and precious things in the world that we must appreciate.

"relax bro. maybe is not now. you should focus on the other things first"

"you need something to motivate yourself"

"it's not wrong to like someone, but don't let it ruin your life, there might something that more important"

"it's time to enjoy yourself, teenagers come only once in life"

"if you failed, cool.. there a lot more girls outside there"

it's not exactly what i'm searching for 24 hour per day of my life. but i can't deny myself if the feelings come. and the thing that i might never felt before.

i have no idea what to write anymore ...
this things sucks.

i just feel dumb, bullshit. it just happened today, for the fourth time in my life.

i like a girl, i approach slowly, i planned my move step by step, i arranged sentences words by words.

and when the time is come, when i'm about to express the feelings, everything ...
then ...

sms : "hey, guess what?? he told me he likes me!! omg! i can't wait to meet him tomorrow! "

"sorry, we're just 'couple' last week"

"you know what? he call me and asked if i willing to marry her after study. kinda shock huh. yeah i like him, but it sounds too early"

facebook notification : "<she> now is in relationship with @#$%$#"

sucks!
i have shit on my face.
i'm too weak!

"yeah, good for you. congrats!"  <== the worse action i can made, such a stupid i am!

yeah, that's what i usually do, cry inside and make that fucking spongebob's fake smile :)